Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Youth Minister Caught in Compromising Position

 

Maryville, TN — A newly-hired youth minister found, not his credentials, but his faith questioned when it was revealed he could not actually play guitar.

While Drew Campbell, youth minister at Grace Grove Bible Church, was preparing gear for the teen Seekers’ annual spring-break camping retreat, he was discovered in the church basement awkwardly fondling a guitar, muttering to himself, “So, how do you play this thing?”

Campbell, who quit the prestigious music program at Northwestern University because he felt called to youth ministry instead, was a “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet. Seekers’ parents report that, until Campbell was discovered in the compromising position with the guitar, he had repeatedly wowed the congregation with his excellent sense of rhythm and his competence as a keyboardist and singer, while occasionally adding color to the worship team with “some pretty wicked licks” on his horn. There are no keyboards in the wilderness, though, and as Campbell himself admits, “Neither voice nor horn is, on its own, sufficient to lead youth in worship.”

Said the steering committee who hired him, “It never occurred to us that a Christian this musically gifted wouldn’t also know how to play the guitar. Since his musical talent is undeniable, we’re afraid that calls his faith into question.”

Said Campbell, “I’m sure I can learn to play guitar. I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet,” citing the hectic practice schedule he had juggling three non-guitar competencies, and the extra work he had to do to get caught up on matters like theology and pastoral management when he was called to ministry instead.

For now, Campbell still has permission to attend the wilderness retreat, but only under the supervision of a trio of steering-committee members, who will be the retreat’s official leaders. Two of them are tone-deaf. But the third is not, and knows how to play guitar.

— With apologies to the Babylon Bee. Happy April 1!

There are 26 comments.

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  1. Titus Techera Contributor

    Huzzah!

    • #1
    • April 1, 2017, at 10:44 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  2. SkipSul Coolidge
    SkipSul Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Well done! I am snorffling over this.

    • #2
    • April 1, 2017, at 10:45 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  3. Gary McVey Contributor
    Gary McVey Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Unchain Midge, and you get jokes! Who knew?

    • #3
    • April 1, 2017, at 11:19 AM PDT
    • 4 likes
  4. Randy Webster Member

    You probably don’t know that it’s pronounced “Murrivul.” Just like the town I work in is Louisville, essentially a suburb of Maryville, pronounced “Lewisville.” We don’t care how they do it in Kentucky.

    • #4
    • April 1, 2017, at 11:23 AM PDT
    • 5 likes
  5. Crazy Horse Inactive

    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    • #5
    • April 1, 2017, at 11:29 AM PDT
    • 6 likes
  6. RightAngles Member

    Hilarious!

    • #6
    • April 1, 2017, at 11:48 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  7. Titus Techera Contributor

    Gary McVey (View Comment):
    Unchain Midge, and you get jokes! Who knew?

    Me never shoulda took the chance!

    • #7
    • April 1, 2017, at 11:52 AM PDT
    • 3 likes
  8. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor

    JLock (View Comment):
    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    I first heard the phrase used to describe Samuel Barber – for Barber, it was piano, voice, and composition (I qualify as a triple nonthreat in those same areas).

    • #8
    • April 1, 2017, at 12:05 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  9. Crazy Horse Inactive

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    JLock (View Comment):
    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    I first heard the phrase used to describe Samuel Barber – for Barber, it was piano, voice, and composition (I qualify as a triple nonthreat in those same areas).

    I think every music-associated art probably has a “triple-threat” joke to mock people.

    For me, its usually for Drummers: “He’s a triple-threat: Loud, Obnoxious, Owns a PA” or going the full-monty to complain about cymbals: “He’s a triple-threat: On the ride, hats, and crash”

    • #9
    • April 1, 2017, at 12:15 PM PDT
    • 4 likes
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor

    Seriously? I’ll bet one of the teens knows guitar. Did anyone check??

    Edit: Yesterday was the Sabbath for me–sheesh–forgot it was Apr.1. That’s my excuse and I’m stickin’ to it!

    • #10
    • April 1, 2017, at 2:35 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  11. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Reverend Tim Tom!

    • #11
    • April 1, 2017, at 3:16 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  12. Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    :-D

    • #12
    • April 1, 2017, at 7:50 PM PDT
    • 4 likes
  13. Hammer, The Member

    (nothing to add, but this made me laugh)

    • #13
    • April 2, 2017, at 7:36 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  14. The Reticulator Member

    If this wasn’t on the main thread I’d tell the true story of what happened when it was discovered that I, a Lutheran school teacher, was not an organist and couldn’t even play the instrument.

    • #14
    • April 2, 2017, at 8:57 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  15. Duane Oyen Member
    Duane Oyen Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Since I am a keyboard guy who is pretty irritated by the current dominance of Christian music by guitar-centric rock, and only guitar-centric rock (which means that every great Christian melody such as Hyfrydol is ignored because guitars sound ridiculous trying to play them), I’ll ignore the very good joke and remind everyone that a Privia is 25 lb, has a built-in amplifier, and not-bad action (not like an acoustic, but a reasonably good 3rd generation weighted keys try at it).

    And Jim Alfredson, the reigning guru of Hammond/Leslie performance, brings a Privia PX-330 (like mine) to his live touring work leading Janiva Magness’ jazz back-up band.

    • #15
    • April 3, 2017, at 7:35 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  16. Fred Houstan Member

    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    The sooner this scourge passes, the better.

    • #16
    • April 3, 2017, at 8:15 AM PDT
    • 3 likes
  17. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):
    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    What wondrous love is this! Thanks, Fred.

    • #17
    • April 3, 2017, at 8:28 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  18. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor

    The Reticulator (View Comment):
    If this wasn’t on the main thread I’d tell the true story of what happened when it was discovered that I, a Lutheran school teacher, was not an organist and couldn’t even play the instrument.

    OP on Member Feed – marked Do Not Promote. Inquiring minds want to know!

    • #18
    • April 3, 2017, at 8:30 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  19. Z in MT Member

    These types of stories are always my favorite in The Onion.

    • #19
    • April 3, 2017, at 12:59 PM PDT
    • Like
  20. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor

    Z in MT (View Comment):
    These types of stories are always my favorite in The Onion.

    Do you read the Babylon Bee as well, @zinmt? If not, try it!

    • #20
    • April 3, 2017, at 2:15 PM PDT
    • Like
  21. Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):
    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    The sooner this scourge passes, the better.

    “Gather Us In” isn’t Dan Schutte, it’s Marty Haugan FIFY (Tom Conry’s “Anthem” is another teeth-gnashing example.) Both are cross-pollinated theology. Dan Schutte, and the SLJs [in the pre-PC language revision days], at least used Scripture for lyrics and well-played guitars, horns, flutes, professional choristers, it must be noted. :-)

    • #21
    • April 3, 2017, at 2:39 PM PDT
    • Like
  22. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    • #22
    • April 3, 2017, at 2:58 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  23. Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    Maybe…But it’d be a tough call. :-)

    • #23
    • April 3, 2017, at 3:48 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  24. The Reticulator Member

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    Maybe…But it’d be a tough call. ?

    I had to google Marty Haugen. Now I see what you mean.

    • #24
    • April 3, 2017, at 5:51 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  25. Fred Houstan Member

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    “Gather Us In” isn’t Dan Schutte, it’s Marty Haugan FIFY (Tom Conry’s “Anthem” is another teeth-gnashing example.) Both are cross-pollinated theology. Dan Schutte, and the SLJs [in the pre-PC language revision days], at least used Scripture for lyrics and well-played guitars, horns, flutes, professional choristers, it must be noted. ?

    • #25
    • April 4, 2017, at 4:57 AM PDT
    • 6 likes
  26. Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    Okaay, Fred!

    • #26
    • April 4, 2017, at 5:09 PM PDT
    • 1 like

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